What about me?

Do you sometimes pray? to god, universe to what ever your believe system may be.

Do you sometimes give thanks to everything you have, to the richness in your life. The air you breath, the water you drink, the people surrounding you, your body, your kids heath, your home..

I am a separated parent and sometimes I struggle.

I struggle with time, the constant juggle between, mother, woman, partner, working, admins, home, gardening endless todos, exercise, me time, yoga, friends.

So my child goes to school from 9-14h. What do you do in 5 hours. Should I write my invoices, do my tax declaration, should I study to move `forward´ in life, should I just go out in nature, exercise or do yoga, meet up with a friend for coffee, go grocery shopping, clean the house… feels like there is ever just one thing I can do in such short time.

What if someone would offer you enough financial support so at least you wouldn't need to work?

So you could `just´ be a caretaker, would you take it?

Would you take that time while they are in kindergarten/school to take care of yourself?

Because now you don’t need to worry how to pay your bills, so what do you do?

That is that time now where your kids are taken care of, so what would you do?

Can you accept that you are allowed now to take care of yourself in that time, before you pick up your child again.

To not think of all the things you should or could be doing. What do you need to gain strength to be there again for that little human being your raising into this world?

And it doesn’t matter if they are a baby or if they are 2 years old, or if they are 6 years old, or even if they are 8 years old. what they need is presence from at least one of their care takers.

So would you be able to allow yourself to surrender, to maybe give your career a few more years time and really think about your dream. What do you dream of? what is social pressure making you think you need to dream off. Do we not need time after nurturing someone else for a long time to have a clear thought of what we like again. Who have I become after being a mother, who was I before and who am I now.

Maybe that time in-between could just be you going back to bed to catch up on some sleep, because maybe your child was coughing all night, maybe you ended up with your partner drinking an extra glass of wine and engaging into that relationship that you also carry and want to nurture.

And is it not ok to just take it while your kids are taken care of, does it mean we have to be `productive´ in that time. What is productive? can’t productive `just´ mean ME TIME. Isn’t ME productive enough in a 24h kids routine.

To not go running around trying to fit in everything into those few hours so by the time we pick our children up what we really need is a siesta.

And then what happens? So you start yelling at them because your overwhelmed, because you didn’t have the time to disconnect. Do you start being to tired to be creative to handle conflict, to be humorous, because life didn’t give you a choice or because you didn’t give yourself that choice?

Doing everything before you pick them up to `then be there for them´ but are you?

Yes you might have done house choirs so you have time to play with them, but are you really playing? You can do house choirs with them at home, its ok, it is good for them to see what happens at home, to engage them.

There are two differences; there are families in this world who don’t have a choice, they have to do it and they can do it because they have to.

But what if you don’t have to? What if there is a little slight possibility for you to be able to take that time or some of that time wouldn’t that be the most valuable time.

So when you pick up your children your rested, you had that input you needed, you had that exercise, you read that book, you had that nap. What ever it is YOU may need.

And then you pick them up with pure presences, you go down on your knees when they run up to you, you look at them in the eye, you have an open ear because your thoughts have ended, you can engage, you might even have a meal already prepared for them, a nutritious meal that wasn't just quickly tossed together. You can sit down and eat together, you can play a game, you can do an excursion.

And when your child starts getting tired and is starting to whinge you have that capacity to hold them because you held yourself before. You have that capacity to deal with conflict with a relaxed peace of mind because you have had time to work on your own emotions.

It might not always work even tho we did work on ourselves, but I believe it is going to be much easier if we do so. If we have done our own work, our inner child work, so we don’t constantly have to handle our inner child but actually be there for the child that’s in-front of us, so they might have that childhood that our inner child wishes to have had.

So what I am asking for is that we as care takers get recognised, by society but also that we start recognising our selfs. There is so much value into our everyday being with our children.

There should be more space for caretakers, there should be more opportunities, there should be financial support. Its so hard for a family to just live of one income. The reality is that our children are being raised by somebody else, that they see their parents running in that hamster wheel of trying to do everything.

We don’t give care takers enough space to be able to `just´ so that parent JOB that is so important for our future generation. We don’t give them enough financial support BUT we also don’t give them that ok, its ok to `just´ be a care taker, its ok.

Its a remarkable full on work your doing, its a lot of work in so many aspects. You carry so much weight on your shoulders.

So once our children are at Kindergarden/school its ok to be there for yourself. It is more then Ok.

Your have been there all this time, day and night.

You are there from the moment they get picked up to the moment they go to sleep, during the night, when they have their nightmares, when they have fevers, when they need their cuddles or when they just move around like a clock all night. You are there in the morning when they wake up, you do everything for them.

Why can we not just accept that those four, five, six hours that they are in Kindergarten/school is for you, this is your break, this is your you time, this is your time to just take it. To what ever YOU decide to do with it.

This can be your time to `just´ be with your partner, just the two of you. So when your partner might have that day off, you don’t need to do that Ikea run to finally get that wardrobe you think you really need. Go and lay in bed together, go for a walk, connect, look each other in the eyes have a conversation that’s not interrupted.

Have a conversation about yourself, not about your children, all your to dos, your next holiday, financial things.

Be there for each other because these are precious moments. You have grown from a couple to a family with children but your also still a couple and eventually there needs to be space to explore that again. Give yourself a massage, talk about doubts and fears, talk about uncomfortable topics. Connect in those few hours

Your child will come home and have dinner with parents who have had time for themselves, who might kiss and Hugh and smile at each other in-front of the children. Show them how beautiful intimacy can be.

Your child is not the one running the show, your child is part of everything that’s happening, they are just as valuable, their opinion is just as valuable, their tastes, their likes their needs, but its not just them! It is the whole family.

We forget to listen what we need, especially when we have been so busy taking care of everybody else’s needs we sometimes even forget what we actually need, what we want, what we like.

I mean what food do I actually like? I used to hate bread crust and I feel like in the last 6 years all i ate is my Childs bread crust to not through it away because my child doesn’t like it, well actually nether do I.

Also if we gave ourselves some time we will have more energy. Our working partner might not come home to the daily end world scenario. Your partner might actually feel like its ok to take that long walk home to find their time to disconnect coming from work too family duties. Not feeling rushed to save the care taker from a mental break down. We all need space. So do our children and they need us to take our space so we can hold space for them.

I was very young when I had my child and I stayed at home the first 3 years, but once she started kindergarten I didn’t know what to do in that time. Well not true, I started to work. So then I was working while she was gone, then I picked her up and then there was still an endless to do list still on my table.

So I would do the day juggling in-between to do lists and playing, bath time, dinner and so on to then get her to bed, to then stay up to late to have some either alone time or partner time, to then get woken up after a to short sleep to start again.

Did I catch myself yelling, OH YES way to many times, did I have a few breakdowns OH YES, did I fall asleep bringing her to bed OH YES.

Would I take financial support to be there while she is still `small´ to just be able to actually be there and `just´ be a caretaker, OH YES I would.

#stayathomemum #metime #justacaretaker #mothernature

* I highlighted some of my words with `….´ to really put attention to our words. What to they create in you? what do we mean by JUST.

`Just´ ME dancing